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Cowboy Humor

This Ain't No Tea Party

Mineral Offering by Wayne SchererLeft: Mineral Offering, by Wayne Scherer

Cowboy Humor by Ben Marshall

Have you ever sat around and wondered why some things you say don't make much sense?

I do all the time and perhaps it's helpful because it gives me somethin' to write about.

What about the phrase, "This ain't no tea party." What does it mean, really?

My suspicion tells me whatever is bein' discussed is harder to do than throwin' a tea party.

Apparently, a tea party is the beginnin' of a scale goin' up to the hardest thing to do, admitting you're wrong if you're a politician.

Now, before any rumors start to fly, I want you to know I've never actually been to a tea party.

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Well, that's not exactly true. I heard my neighbor was havin' one of these events at her house so I dropped in on a shallow pretense to find out what was actually takin' place. 

I once saw a tea party movie and they were cuttin' the crust off their sandwiches but the spread my friend whipped up for her shindig consisted of baked asparagus, cheeses, dip (made of caramelized onions, cream cheese and an assortment of secret things), cookies, and, of course the crust-less sandwiches. I'll have to admit the sandwiches weren't bad.

So I started thinkin' she went to a heap more trouble than it takes to do most things. So much trouble it seemed she forgot the tea.

Then I noticed this tea party was servin' cold tea. My friend even froze mint leaves inside ice cubes to put in the glasses.

I passed on the iced tea so she handed me a mimosa in a pint glass.

The first one I drank had a strawberry straddlin' the rim. I don't remember much after the third one other than walkin' home through somebody's vineyard and slippin' in the mud. When I got home, I looked like I'd been ridin' bulls again.

In my early 20's I was interested in bull ridin' until I met a nice fella who was 29 and a professional bull rider. He said it took him twenty minutes every mornin' to get out of bed.

That's when I took up golf.

And in the short time I've been playin' golf I've learned one thing.

It ain't no tea party.

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