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Cowboy Humor

Republicans Do IT Wrong

My Harlequin by Wayne SchererLeft: My Harlequin by Wayne Scherer

Cowboy Humor by Ben Marshall

"It" can mean many things so I'll stop you right there.

We're talkin' about winnin' national elections.

If you lie once in court, your entire testimony is flawed because you become known as a liar.

If you lie once when runnin' for office, you are an exceptionally-truthful GOP politician.

While this doesn't make much sense, it's a sad chapter in our country's history. Yep, there sure are a lot of appaloosas in this barrel race.

We've become desensitized to dishonesty and call it by many names on the campaign trail. I mispoke, the dog liked his ride on the roof (he couldn't wait to get back up there), I never said that, I remember a parade, I only buy American cars and I like cheesy grits are only a few in the collection.

CarTrawler is one of the top car hire companies in the world and Wine Country Welcome has been working with them for fourteen years, now.


What are cheesy grits, anyway? 

I say the Republicans aren't takin' full advantage of the situation. Because of this, they're telling us too many things that are surprisingly true.

They're tellin' us a number of things most Americans would fundamentally dislike but, when it comes out of a Republican's mouth, the base cheers it on. Base is a good term to describe what they are.

Poor people shouldn't go to college. Women don't have the ability to make their own decisions about themselves so men should make all the choices in life for them. Exceedingly rich people can govern better than anyone else. (Romney told the truth when he said he didn't care about poor people. Bad Romney. Bad Romney. He was hopin' folks would think he was lyin' again.)

They are gettin' away with lyin' so why are they telegraphin' their lassoes to the calves? Why is Santorum informin' American women he wants to outlaw the use of birth control? Why does Romney tell us he wants to eliminate Planned Parenthood and deny millions of women essential medical care? Why did Gingrich say he wants to shoot the unemployed into space where they can work in orbitin' factories?

Paul isn't lyin' about anything (except maybe that horse crap about him not bein' responsible for those hateful things he wrote about African Americans). The result is, he's stumblin' towards insignificance. To be fair, it's kinda where he started anyway.

Why tell the truth when you've already got some good lies goin' like the one about Obama bein' soft on terrorism. No one can argue the fact Bush II got us into the foreign mess we're in now and one of the great lies of the GOP is he wasn't really a good Republican. Who the heck voted for him, anyway? Twice?

My dog does her business when I say to her, "Find Al Qaeda, Clare." She does and takes care of things.

I taught her this when she was a puppy. It demonstrated my need to use a phrase not replete with euphemisms and still avoid words too coarse for any ladies who might accidently hear me.

The Republicans, who couldn't find a certain part of their bodies with both hands, are responsible for this. They took us to war and then couldn't end it. Thank you, Republicans, for givin' me the inspiration. A pox on you for killin' so many brave Americans in the name of Big Oil.

So, my advice to Republican candidates is to stay the lyin' course. Truth is not good for you. Once you are in office you can outlaw unions, lower the minimum wage (why not get rid of it altogether?) keep minorities from votin' in future elections, lower tax rates on the uber-rich and, most importantly, keep our women at home barefoot and pregnant.

Now the Congress is linin' up to vote on a law called the abuse against women act. If early indications are correct, the GOP is goin' to be against it.

The official Republican response is, the legislation at issue would add objectionable measures to the violence against women law.

Objectionable to whom? To people who think women are chattel, minorities should all go home (wherever that is) women who can be pregnant should be pregnant and their husbands can beat them when they are, our children shouldn't go to college because they might compete with their children, poor women don't need medical care and the unemployed should be shot into space?

I hope the Republicans in Congress can ignore the toothless chants of their solid base and vote with their hearts on this law.

At the very least, they should lie to us about it.

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