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Cowboy Humor

Clipped Wings

Market Street by Hannah Rose MillerLeft: Market Street, by Hannah Rose

Cowboy Humor by Ben Marshall

We have the best neighbors in the charted galaxy. Whenever there's a project on the ranch, Dusty is there to help.

And Dusty's wife, Hanny, didn't let her education in the world of fine dining go to waste.

Hanny is a great cook.

She's partial to whippin' up fancy-Dan dishes and deliverin' them to us hot. It makes you almost want to stop cookin' on the barbeque at times.

J.W. and I would do anything for her. Practically anything, that is.

Hanny called me one mornin' this week and asked me to come over the next day and help her clip the wings on her chickens. I had to say no.

Before you start thinkin' I'm a bad neighbor, always takin' and never givin', let me explain my reasons why. 

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I know chickens need a confined place to lay their eggs. If you let them run all over tarnation, they'll be hidin' their nests everywhere.

I had an aunt who let her chickens go wild. She was from Sebastopol. That should help you understand.

Those little rascals began roostin' in the trees and and in the bushes and anywhere else that would make you curse and swear when you had egg duty. They had a population explosion to the point where they ate up all the grass in a two-acre parcel. The eggs we didn't find in time became little baby chickens. It was just awful.

Those chickens were about as difficult to get a hold of as a farrier is when you really need one. We had to sneak out at night and grab 'em by the legs.

Now there's a thought. On the farrier, that is.

No, I realized the need for what Hanny had to do. I just object in a universal way to anything limitin' a female's rights. I'm practically psychotic on the topic.

My passion runs from so deep inside I think it's time for those of us in charge to turn the reins of government over to the ladies in this country. They're smarter, they're prettier and they always win the arguments.

Men have had control of things for two hundred and thirty seven years and, if you don't think they're over their heads in the swamp, take a look at the Republican presidential race.

And I'm not just talkin' about the Oval Office. I'd like to see the ladies run Congress. I'm sure you're aware the House has 362 men vs. 76 women, and the Senate stands at 17 women and 83 men.

This is far from fair with 143 million Americans being female and 138 million of them male.

So what we have is a population of individuals who are in the majority in this country. On average, they are smarter than the minority, prettier and win all the arguments.

I don't know about you but it sure seems like a hat trick to me.

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